You Matter: Boosting Teen Self-Esteem in Foster Care
Let’s be honest — being a teenager is tough. Being a teenager in foster care? Even tougher.
Any young person who’s had a rough start in life is likely to lack confidence. They might feel like they’re not good enough, like they don’t belong, or like they can’t trust people. That’s where you come in. As a foster carer, you have the power to help them feel seen, heard, and valued — possibly for the first time.
Remember confidence starts at home… no matter where you call home.
10 Practical Ways to Help Foster Teens Feel Good About Themselves
1. Be Their Steady Person
One of the most powerful things you can do is just be there. Consistently. Teens in care often expect people to leave or give up on them. Showing them you’re sticking around — even when things get tricky — helps build trust and self-worth.
Try saying: “I’m here for you, no matter what kind of day you’re having.”
2. Notice the Little Things
Whether they got up on time, handled a tough situation, or just tried something new — point it out. These moments matter more than we realise.
Keep a little notebook or whiteboard where you jot down their wins. It’s a great visual reminder for both of you.
3. Give Them Choices
Teenagers need to feel some control over their lives. Offering choices (even small ones) helps them feel respected and trusted — two big ingredients for self-esteem.
Instead of “We’re having this for tea,” try “Would you prefer pasta or wraps tonight?”
4. Support Their Interests (Even the Weird Ones!)
Every teen has something they love — music, gaming, painting, mechanics, TikTok dances — and it’s important. Even if it’s not your thing, show interest. Let them dive into what makes them feel good about themselves.
Sit with them during their favourite show or ask about their latest playlist. It matters.
5. Reflect Their Good Qualities Back to Them
Sometimes teens can only see what’s wrong with them. Be the mirror that shows them what’s right. Remind them of their strengths, their kindness, their humour — the things they might not notice in themselves.
Say things like, “You’re really thoughtful — that was kind of you to check on your friend.”
Check out these resources and organisations to help
MIND – articles and real-life stories for 11-18 year olds.
YoungMinds – more tips and signposts for where to get help.
CAMHS – Free downloadable resources including the Self-Esteem Self-Help book
BBC BiteSize – Ami Charlize and Dr Radha open up about self-esteem and confidence. Video with transcript.
6. Watch Your Language
It’s easy to blurt out things in the heat of the moment. But labels like “lazy” or “dramatic” can stick and hurt their self-image. Focus on behaviour, not identity.
Instead of “You’re always in a mood,” try “You seem a bit off today — want to talk?”
7. Let Them Mess Up Safely
Everyone makes mistakes. It’s how we learn. Let them know it’s okay to fail, as long as they try again. Foster teens often feel they have to be perfect just to be accepted — help break that myth.
Tell them about a time you messed something up — and how you bounced back.
8. Help Them Connect with Others
Feeling connected is a big part of feeling confident. Help your teen find safe spaces to make friends or join groups where they can belong — whether that’s a youth club, sports team, or online community.
If they’re shy, start small. One trusted friend is better than a crowd they don’t connect with.
9. Teach Them to Be Kind to Themselves
Many teens are their own worst critics. Help them notice their inner voice and challenge it. Would they say those same harsh words to a friend? Probably not.
Try simple exercises like writing three things they did well each day — even if it’s “got out of bed.”
10. Walk the Talk
They’re watching you, even if it doesn’t seem like it. Show them what healthy confidence looks like. Talk kindly about yourself. Set boundaries. Handle mistakes with grace.
Say something like, “I was nervous about that meeting, but I gave it a go anyway.”
The Difference You Can Make
Teen self-esteem isn’t built overnight — especially for young people who’ve had a tough road so far. But your care, attention, and encouragement can make a world of difference.
You’re not expected to get it perfect. What matters most is that you’re trying, showing up, and helping them see their own worth — one day at a time.
Thank you for the support and care that you provide to the young people in your world💙
Kate, our FCC Education Specialist, provides our foster carers with support and advice related to the educational development of the children they are caring for. Click to find out more about our Education Specialists and the support they provide for foster carers.
